Sacrifices and Tears
by Cutieqtpie
Summary: Takes place one year after Rampage


Season 8 finale: takes place one year after Rampage. Carter is Chief Resident. Abby is still just a nurse. The events of "Supplies and Demands" never took place. The song is "My Sacrifice" by Creed, as I say in the story.   
  
"Mark Greene passed away an hour ago." John said quietly to Abby. "I've been here eight years and I've seen people come and go, but I always thought he'd be there. Dr. Benton was my teacher, but Mark was my mentor and my friend. I can't believe he's gone."   
  
****(FLASHBACK)****   
  
Carter was supposed to have met Abby for lunch before he had gotten the call from Elizabeth that Mark had gone downhill and that he was asking for John. Since Mark had discovered two months ago that his tumor had returned, he had decided that he would live his last days at his home, with his wife and daughters. Rachel had reconciled with Jen a few months after she had first arrived to live with Mark, and she moved back to St. Louis. The week before, however, when it was apparent that Mark was getting progressively worse, Jen and Rachel had both flown back to Chicago.   
  
Carter had gone almost every other day to visit Mark and tell him about the happenings in the ER. Sometimes Susan went along with Carter to see Mark, but this particular time, it had only been Mark and Carter together for the last time. When John rang the doorbell, the door opened revealing Elizabeth, with tears streaming down her face, but frantically trying to wipe them away.   
  
"How is he?"   
  
"Oh Carter, he's so much worse. I hate to see him like this. I can't stand it anymore." Elizabeth said crying before John gave her a hug and comforted her. "Jennifer is with him now, but he really wanted to see you. I'll go tell him you're here." Elizabeth wiped away the new tears and started walking up the steps to her and Mark's bedroom.   
  
While she walked upstairs, John looked around the down stairs. The house that the two had bought was beautiful. It wasn't quite as tidy as usual, but considering the circumstances, it looked fine. All over the house there were pictures. There was Rachel as a baby with Mark holding her. There was a similar picture with Mark holding Ella too. There were memories all over the place. One more picture caught his eye. He somehow had never noticed it before. It was from the ER banquet four years ago. Doug, Carol, Kerry, Mark, Carter, and Anna were gathered around a table. Could it possibly be four years ago? It seemed like yesterday. Carter reached out and grabbed the picture for a closer look. Anna. He touched her face with his finger. Soon after this picture was taken, Max had come and taken Anna back to Philadelphia.   
  
"Carter…" a voice interrupted John's thoughts. Embarrassed, he quickly put the picture back and looked up. "Mark says to send you up."   
  
Carter went towards the stairs and started to pass Elizabeth on his way up to the bedroom.   
  
"I always find Mark looking at that picture. Those were some great times." Elizabeth said with a tiny smile and a pat to John's shoulder.   
  
John walked up the rest of the stairs and turned right and went to the end of the hallway. Right as he got there, the door opened and Jen walked out. He could see she was near tears. She gave Carter a little nod and walked away. Carter watched her go and then with a sigh, opened the door and walked into the room.   
  
"Hey Carter." A small voice said.   
  
"Hey. How are you?" Carter tried to sound cheerful as he walked towards the rocking chair that was seating the now unusually frail man.   
  
"Pull up a chair." Mark said, ignoring Carter's question.   
  
"So." John said after taking chair and sitting it across from Mark.   
  
"I've loved three women in my life. I married the first because I loved her. I let the second slip away. And I married the third because I never thought I could love again and she made me realize I could."   
  
"Susan was the second." Carter said, not as a question, but just a common fact.   
  
"You're not supposed to do things like this, but I always imagine my life if I hadn't let her slip away. If I hadn't hesitated for so long, she wouldn't have gone to Phoenix and we would have probably been married before Elizabeth even came here."   
  
Carter could only sit there and listen to the other man.   
  
"But then I think how thankful I am that I have Elizabeth. We have a beautiful daughter and she's always there for me."   
  
"What I'm trying to say here is don't hesitate. Tell the person you love your feelings. Don't hold them back or you may be sitting here five years later wondering what if. Do you understand what I'm saying?"   
  
Carter could only nod as he processed what Mark was telling him.   
  
"I've enjoyed watching you grow. You know that? You are probably the only med student I have ever seen actually go the distance and be a great doctor."   
  
"It's because of you."   
  
"Nah, you did it by yourself. You had the determination and the skill. No one teaches you that. I'm gonna miss you."   
  
"You're not going anywhere yet." Carter tried to say, but couldn't get the whole thing out without his voice cracking.   
  
"Yeah I am. My body has played a lot of trick on me in the past, but this is one they're not lying about."   
  
"I'm going to miss you too."   
  
"Take care of Elizabeth and Ella. Elizabeth thinks she's so strong, and she is, but she needs something else. Friendship is a wonderful thing, Carter, but true love can't even compare. That's one thing I hope you'll remember after I'm gone." Mark finished and gave John a small smile. John chuckled and smiled back.   
  
"Can you go get Elizabeth please?" Mark asked.   
  
"Sure. Good-bye Dr. Greene." Carter said as he watched Mark close to rest his eyes.   
  
  
****(BACK TO PRESENT)****   
  
"I was sitting there when it happened. Elizabeth called everyone back into the room. I was standing behind Rachel. He kissed Ella and as he leaned back again his eyes closed and he stopped breathing." John continued telling Abby, who just sat there and listened. "It made me realize you have to take everything for granted. You know that? I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be a regular day, and fate had a way of turning it around. It's times like these when I like to think what God is thinking."   
  
"What do you mean?" Abby finally spoke.   
  
"He must have a reason for all this right? It must be great to have to power to do whatever the hell you want." Carter shouted, starting to get upset.   
  
"Carter…" Abby said gently, trying to get him to calm down.   
  
"I did learn something from this however." Carter stated, shaking his head, and got up to leave. "Sorry, I can't take it anymore. I need to get back to the hospital."   
  
"I'll talk to you later?" Abby asked.   
  
"Uh, sure." Carter said not quite paying full attention.   
  
****Later that evening****   
  
The ER had been empty when John had arrived there, so Kerry just let him go home. As he stepped inside his apartment, he looked at his watch and realized it was only 5:23. He wasn't hungry, so he turned on the television and flipped channels. Nothing seemed worth watching, so he turned it off again. He walked over to his sound system and browsed through his CD's. He picked up one and popped it into his stereo. Suddenly the lyrics to Creed's "My Sacrifice" started blaring throughout the room.   
  
Hello my friend   
We meet again   
It's been a while   
Where should we begin?   
Feels like forever   
Within my heart   
Are memories   
Of perfect love that   
You gave to me   
Oh, I remember   
When you are with me   
I'm free, I'm careless   
I believe   
Above all the others   
We'll fly   
This brings tears   
To my eyes   
My sacrifice   
We've seen our share   
Of ups and downs   
Oh, how quickly life   
Can turn around   
In an instant   
It feels so good to reunite   
Within yourself and   
Within your mind   
Let's find peace there   
'Cause when you are   
With me   
I'm free, I'm careless   
I believe   
Above all the others   
We'll fly   
This brings tears   
To my eyes   
My sacrifice   
I just want to   
Say hello again   
I just want to   
Say hello again   
When you are with me   
I'm free, I'm careless   
I believe   
Above all the others   
We'll fly   
This brings tears   
To my eyes   
'Cause when you are   
With me   
I'm free, I'm careless   
I believe   
Above all the others   
We'll fly   
This brings tears   
To my eyes   
My sacrifice   
My sacrifice   
(I just want to   
Say hello again)   
I just want to   
Say hello again   
My sacrifice   
Carter suddenly had a thought of Abby as he listened to the song. Then he thought of Mark's final words. He thought about his friendship with Abby. He wasn't judged with Abby. He wasn't looked down on because of his past, or his family, or anything. The same way he didn't judge her because of her past or her family.   
  
Carter walked over and picked up his walk around phone and went and sat down on his sofa. He played with the phone for a few moments before finally starting to dial a number.   
  
"Hello?" The voice answered.   
  
"You know, I tried to think of a good excuse not to call you. I couldn't think of one. I wanted to talk to you, for you to tell me it was going to be okay, for you to reassure me."   
  
"Okay." Abby said, somewhat uncomfortable.   
  
"I want to be reassured, Abby. Please." Carter said, begging. Abby was speechless and didn't say a word. "Please."   
  
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Abby said quietly and hung up the phone. She was confused by her own feelings. What was she doing? Going over to John Carter's apartment to comfort him. She put her jacket on and walked out her door. He sounded so desperate.   
It took Abby a little more time than she expected to get to his apartment. When she got there, she rang the doorbell and waited for him to answer. A moment later the door slowly opened and she walked in. John closed the door behind her and took her jacket. She noticed that he looked horrible and depressed.   
  
"Abby, please just tell me it's gonna be alright." John said.   
  
Abby just stood there as he came over and wrapped his arms around her. She tried to console him and let him sob on her shoulder. She didn't even realize when he started to lightly kiss her neck. She didn't stop him until he started working his way up until he was almost to her lips. He was about to kiss her on the lips when Abby slightly pulled away.   
  
"Carter…"   
  
"I'm sorry Abby." John said, realizing what he had almost done. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry."   
  
"It's okay, you just took me by surprise." Abby said uncomfortably.   
  
"Uh, you want some coffee? I had just made a fresh pot when you said you were coming over." Carter asked, walking towards the kitchen trying to fill the emptiness that had appeared.   
  
"Um, sure. That'd be great." Abby went and sat on the couch and put her head in her hands. What was she doing here? Carter had almost kissed her. Carter soon returned with two cups of coffee in his hands.   
  
"How is Elizabeth?" Abby asked, trying not to sound like she was purposely changing the subject.   
  
"As well as can be expected. She was better when I left."   
  
"Does she need any help? With Ella or arrangements or anything?"   
  
"No, I think she pretty much has everything taken care of. Jen and Rachel were there and Rachel seemed to be helping a lot with the baby."   
  
"I, uh, should be going. It's pretty late."   
  
"Abby, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."   
  
"No, it was my fault, you didn't do anything." Abby said shaking her head and went to get her jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep." Abby said with a small smile.   
  
"Thank you for coming." John said quietly, walking over to open the door. As he opened the door to let her out, she quickly turned around and kissed him on the cheek and then left abruptly. He closed the door and leaned back and let out a sigh.   
  
  
Should I continue?   
Please review or send comments to incognito0686@yahoo.com.


End file.
